Some thoughts on Valentine's Day

I heard someone say that Valentine's Day is just to make unloved people feel bad about being single. I heard someone else explain it in such a great way I just had to keep telling it. "Singles Awareness Day". I just Googled it and found out it is a big deal, there's even a Wikipedia article about it!

I know! I'll give him a background and a history worthy of a whole day of extreme profiteering of greeting card companies.
Thus commences the (completely) true story of Saint Valentine, the patron saint of greeting card companies. Once upon a time many years ago there was a man named Valentine. Joyce (yes that was a boy's name I looked it up) Clyde Valentine but went by JC. Joyce was the scribe of a small town in Ladrumont, England during the great lettuce famine of 463 A.D. He was given the unfortunate job of letting people know their family members had died of starvation. He hated it, but since he was fed leftover lettuce from the Governor’s table he had no choice but to comply or starve to death.
He tried his best to break the news gently, but eventually he was so associated with death notices people would hide from him and avoid him at all costs. Valentine was tired of being ostracized by the community so he packed up his clothes and left town. Unfortunately the postman was very good at finding people and kept bring him notices of deaths he was to announce. Valentine ran as far as he could, but kept being found. Finally he gave up and returned home.
He ran with his parchment up to the door of the unfortunate house and tacked the parchment to the door. Just for good measure he left a coco bean with it (the predecessor of chocolate). Knocked, ran and hid, watching from behind a fencepost. The owner of the house opened the door, stepped out and, not seeing anyone, turned around to go back into the house. Upon turning he saw the parchment. He paused, looked at it, ripped it off the nail that was holding it and ran away. Valentine was confused and followed at a distance; the man went to Valentine's house and knocked. After a moment he knocked again and Valentine realized it was his house. He quickly ran into the house through the back door and answered the door on the third knock. The man apologized for disturbing him, but wondered if he would read him the note he had found on his door.
Valentine then realized that he was one of the only people that could read in the whole town. Disparagingly he took the paper and pretending great difficulty in reading, he told the man the contents. When he was done he continued looking at the parchment, feeling as though he had failed. When he looked up there was no one there. Somewhat confused he went to the door and looked for the man. What he saw shocked and scared him. It seemed as though the whole town was walking to his door. Afraid that he had made the man angry he scrambled to get out the back door, but the crowd caught him before he could retreat. The man came up to him and to Valentine's surprise asked him to read it again! Valentine, confused read the parchment again, worrying about his fate. But when he finished there was a reverent hush over the crowd. Some people were wiping tears from their eyes. The man thanked Valentine for reading the parchment, too it and walked away, the crowd slowly dispersed. Valentine wondered what had happened, but since no one was angry or trying to kill him for being the bearer of bad news he took it as a good thing.
So the next time he was to deliver a death notice he did the same thing, and once again the same thing happened. People eventually realized it was him writing the notes and started asking if he would write one for weddings, birthdays and other special occasions. Valentine realized this was a good thing and begin to enjoy his job.
When the lettuce famine ended he continued this business full time and eventually had students around his feet asking him the secret to his notes. When all this rose to the king’s ear, he summoned Valentine and asked for a note for his wife. When Valentine gave him one the queen loved it so much she told the king he should make Valentine an official. Valentine respectfully declined the job returning to his humble home and continued making cards.

Well there you go. A definitive history of Saint Valentine. I hope you enjoyed it.
Don't forget S.A.D.
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